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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I head to the café on the corner of the Market Square. You know the one, with the best scones in town? I’m all set for a nice cuppa and a scone. But guess what? They’re out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones? It’s a café, not a rocket launch! I’m fuming, but I settle for a muffin. Not the same, but whatever.

Society of St. Paul opens new premises in Letterkenny